Long Honeymoon

OK, the honeymoon is over. Apparently I am hitting this point just when expected. Over a month has past; it has been six weeks. You can almost graph this thing, I have been told. Sure, I am still plenty happy, but I can tell I have transitioned into the next phase. The novelty has worn off. We were discussing this phenomenon in class a few days ago and apparently it can rarely be avoided. It is part of the process of living abroad. Part of what happens is that those things you liked the most initially are now the things you find the most annoying.

Take, as a case in point, Turks' relationship with time. Immediately I noticed that Turks are easy-going. Turks don't seem to have the same time pressures we have or at least don't let time get to them. They rarely seem stressed. However, unlike other places that have a different relationship with time, they do adhere to fixed schedules here, meaning their ferries and trains run on time. At first this seems like perhaps the best of all possible worlds: the trains run on time AND the people are quite relaxed.

So, in keeping with this, one thing most Turks refuse to do is plan. They might appear to plan but these plans are just blueprints that will not be followed. Jenny, my Dutch friend, told me that her fiance's friends might say they are coming over for dinner on Tuesday night at 8pm and will then show up at 8pm - on Wednesday. Right, 24 hours later. Wow. Can you imagine?

And, get this, they don't have voice mail on their cell phones.... When someone calls you, you are expected to answer. If you are at work, playing tennis, in class or eating at restaurant, you answer. If for some reason you can't, you are required to call that person back within the next two hours. Last weekend, I heard Seda, Cihan's Turkish English teacher, apologizing profusely on the phone for not picking up because she was in the shower... she really was in the shower. Now, I am someone who uses my cell phone as an answering machine with a headset, I find this most unsettling. I do not want my life dictated by my phone. Here, phones are used to make plans, but only at the moment that the activity is happening. What this means is that: you call someone, you tell them where you are and then you ask/demand that they to join you. Usually the recipient of the call will then go. The caller will check in with the call recipient, say 30 minutes later, and the recipient will always say he or she is 5 minutes away, though he or she may be one to two hours away. Right. So the phone becomes a bit of a ball and chain.. either you answer it and then are forced to go somewhere, sometimes somewhere far away (traffic is terrible here - have I mentioned that yet this post?), or you don't answer and may jeopardize your friendship. I don't play by these rules yet, but I am not sure how long I can keep up the "I am a Yabanci (foreigner), I don't understand" routine.

So, you will all understand why I am thrilled that tonight I have plans with my new American friend Sean - actual plans. Sean is here on a Fulbright, studying Turkish labor history. He had been the runner-up for the Fulbright for the Middle East, but the winner had planned to do research in Lebanon and got cold feet after the war broke out. Lucky break. Sean had done some research in Damascus last year, where he was regularly followed by someone from the Syrian government. The guy trailing him once left cigarette butts in Sean's apartment, probably just to let him know he had been there. So, Sean opted to return to Turkey where he had studied before because it is an easier life here. He is also studying Turkish at Dilmer. I do feel like a bit like I am cheating by having English-speaking friends, but it is so so nice to actually be able to communicate (and laugh) with someone. I have plenty of days where I barely speak, or just talk very simply. I live in my head a lot.

So, yes, Sean and I discussed this Turkish time/planning phenomenon yesterday, and decided we would make plans and keep them. Today we solidified our plan and I will meet up with him in about an hour, when he is done with class. Honestly, I can't tell you what a relief this is. Funny the things you miss. I miss plans. I never thought that would be what I would miss - plans. For instance, before Bayram, (the holiday after New Year's), Cihan said he had cancelled his trip to London so that we would practice English and visit the historical sites in Istanbul. As he is serious about his English learning, I figured that was a real plan. Then, two days before Bayram, Cihan told me that he was going to go to Mersin (another Turkish city) for two days instead. He left...and returned four days later. This is normal for here. Completely, don't bat an eye normal.